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Hi. My name is zhixian.
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009, 9:56 AM

I have Herpes Zoster. In chinese, it's call “生蛇”.
I am freaking sad can. It's painful. Zzz.

水痘病毒“苏醒”造成“生蛇”

　　其实，“生蛇”的医学名称是带状疱疹（HerpesZoster)。“Herpes”源自希腊文，是“爬”的意思，为形容疱疹散布的形式状态。带状疱疹是由水痘带状病毒类型的病毒（Varicella　Zoster　Virus）长期潜伏在人体内脊髓外侧的神经节内，恢复活动而引发的疾病。患者多数在年幼时曾患过水痘，出现过发烧与全身长满水泡等症状。当水痘痊愈之后，身体上的水泡虽然消失了，病毒却逗留在人体内的知觉神经节里，长期处在“休眠”状态。当人的免疫功能衰弱时，如年老，生病，疲劳，失眠等情况，都可能造成免疫力下降。那些隐藏在神经节内的病毒就开始沿着神经线走，扩散到皮肤上面。

带状疱疹后神经痛”顽固难治

　　研究显示，在每1000个人口当中，约有３个人会患上带状疱疹。而大约有20%的患者，在带状疱疹痊愈后的6个月，疼痛仍然存在。我们称这为“带状疱疹后神经痛”。治疗这种慢性神经痛非常棘手，因为这种病相当顽固，几乎对每一种疗法都有抗拒性。目前治疗带状疱疹包括服用抗病毒药和止痛药。至于治疗带状疱疹后神经痛，普通的止痛药的疗效不大。治疗神经痛，就要对症下药，必须采用特别的镇痛剂，如抗抑郁药或者抗痉挛药。敷在皮疹上的止痛药膏也很有效用。

　　如果神经痛得不到舒缓，病患者应该尽早向疼痛治疗专科医生求医。如果疱疹是长在脸上，牵连眼球的巩膜，就会影响到视力，需要看眼科专家了。至于带状疱疹所引起的疼痛，专科医生能够在脊髓硬膜外或末梢内注射止痛药物和类固醇，减少疼痛。目前还有较先进的微创手术专门治难治的带状疱疹后神经痛。这类手术利用微小的刺激器来刺激中枢神经，阻滞疼痛“讯息“从皮肤发送传到中枢神经和大脑。

　　带状疱疹和带状疱疹后神经痛一般不会有致命危险，但是这种病痛却能够长期折磨病人，严重地影响到生活素质。到目前为止，仍然没有百分百的疗法能够完全止痛。最明智的方法就是注射水痘疫苗，预防患上水痘，从而避免带状疱疹和疱疹后神经痛。

-

And so I wiki-ed it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_zoster

Herpes zoster (or simply zoster), commonly known as shingles, is a viral disease characterized by a painful skin rash with blisters in a limited area on one side of the body, often in a stripe. The initial infection with varicella zoster virus (VZV) causes the acute (short-lived) illness chickenpox, and generally occurs in children and young people. Once an episode of chickenpox has resolved, the virus is not eliminated from the body but can go on to cause shingles—an illness with very different symptoms—often many years after the initial infection.

Varicella zoster virus can become latent in the nerve cell bodies and less frequently in non-neuronal satellite cells of dorsal root, cranial nerve or autonomic ganglion,[1] without causing any symptoms.[2] In an immunocompromised individual, perhaps years or decades after a chickenpox infection, the virus may break out of nerve cell bodies and travel down nerve axons to cause viral infection of the skin in the region of the nerve. The virus may spread from one or more ganglia along nerves of an affected segment and infect the corresponding dermatome (an area of skin supplied by one spinal nerve) causing a painful rash.[3][4] Although the rash usually heals within two to four weeks, some sufferers experience residual nerve pain for months or years, a condition called postherpetic neuralgia. Exactly how the virus remains latent in the body, and subsequently re-activates is not understood.[1]

Throughout the world the incidence rate of herpes zoster every year ranges from 1.2 to 3.4 cases per 1,000 healthy individuals, increasing to 3.9–11.8 per year per 1,000 individuals among those older than 65 years.[5][6][7] Antiviral drug treatment can reduce the severity and duration of herpes zoster, if a seven to ten day course of these drugs is started within 72 hours of the appearance of the characteristic rash.[5][8]

The earliest symptoms of herpes zoster, which include headache, fever, and malaise(malaise-general feeling of discomfortor, uneasiness, an "out of sorts" feeling, often the first indication of an infection or other disease. Malaise is often defined in medicinal research as a "general feeling of being unwell".) are nonspecific, and may result in an incorrect diagnosis.[9][5] These symptoms are commonly followed by sensations of burning pain, itching, hyperesthesia (oversensitivity), or paresthesia ("pins and needles": tingling, pricking, or numbness).[10] The pain may be extreme in the affected dermatome, with sensations that are often described as stinging, tingling, aching, numbing or throbbing, and can be interspersed with quick stabs of agonizing pain.[11] In most cases, after 1–2 days (but sometimes as long as 3 weeks) the initial phase is followed by the appearance of the characteristic skin rash. The pain and rash most commonly occurs on the torso, but can appear on the face, eyes or other parts of the body. At first, the rash appears similar to the first appearance of hives; however, unlike hives, herpes zoster causes skin changes limited to a dermatome, normally resulting in a stripe or belt-like pattern that is limited to one side of the body and does not cross the midline.[10] Zoster sine herpete describes a patient who has all of the symptoms of herpes zoster except this characteristic rash.[12]

Later, the rash becomes vesicular, forming small blisters filled with a serous exudate, as the fever and general malaise continue. The painful vesicles eventually become cloudy or darkened as they fill with blood, crust over within seven to ten days, and usually the crusts fall off and the skin heals: but sometimes after severe blistering, scarring and discolored skin remain.[10]

I had malaise. I thought it was like that because my stamina sucks. ZZZ. Which still sucks.

Okay basically it's not contagious to those who had chickenpox alrdy. For those who hadn't it is. But you get chickenpox and not this. In the western culture. It's uncurable. ZZZ? But in Eastern culture, it is. Okay I am distracted by the pain. Zzz. I found out I had it since ytd cause it's really painful. I thought I sunburn. ...

Okay the sun very potent. Can see my sports bra mark. LOL.

Still. Pain.

Mummy say wait and see how it goes first. She using something to apply on it. Some grass. -.- Grandma say de.

PAIN. Fish.




Sunday, June 7, 2009, 7:54 PM

J,
I said I've changed.
You said maybe.

I said I'm sorry.
You said I am not wrong.

I told you what happened.
You said to accept them.

I said I gave up.
You said you've tried your best. Really tried.

You said you were seriously on verge of giving me up.
I evaded the statement.

I wanted to apologise.
You said you wanted action.

I returned you your wish.
You said that's now what you want.

I said I don't know.
You said you don't want to see, hear or listen anymore.

I said goodbye.
You said... next time.



***

The biggest fight over the century.

Things can't go back to 2 years ago. Those were history. Nothing is going to bring us back. Sorry for my lack of interest.

You know you are one of my best friend. Or maybe you don't. But you were the one that stayed.

Right now, I have nothing left. I said I've changed and that's the fact. A lot happened in the period we didn't even talk. A lot you didn't know and I didn't tell. So much.

I was wasted away. A large part of the old me had gone. There is no way to bring them back.

No glue can ever seal this crack. I have no heart anymore. It did struck me so hard ytd, at your senstivity. You know it will never be the same after ytd. You knew.

And it had to happen.

The only words of solace I can offer you is... I'm sorry.

And it's you that I've have only got. To consult.




Thursday, May 28, 2009, 8:20 AM


When good people make bad choices.
A spell that caught me unaware.
Lol, so if you're wondering why I am here. I am not feeling okay.

A slight fever, nothing less.


I had dreams. A long dream that lays like an episode. I wonder if I was happy that I dreamt. In my dreams, people all stayed away from me, preferably staring at me from a distance. Worse still, some don't even notice, or pretend that they don't see.

What kind of fucking dream is that!

It happened alot of times. Now, that was the 4th time this type of dreams occur. Zzz.

Anyw. I had made up my mind to apologise. But it seems redundant so I am still hesitant. But it's still good to clear up old misunderstandings right? But it's redundant. Zzz. Not like that we are even friends. Just acquaintances. Still...

***

I've been reading alot. I think the number totals up to around 20+ books in weeks.
I guess I've read alot lately.
It's a good pastime to adopt if you want something to distract you from thinking about your problems. I almost succeeded.

But now, those problems are coming back to haunt me, because I get distracted by my problems when I am reading and my purpose of reading is to distract me from thinking about my problems! -.- Irony.

Time is a factor. You just have to remember that. Fate, destiny, those don't do much.

Event+Response= Outcome.

The future is ever-changing.




Sunday, May 24, 2009, 9:02 PM


I.
Am.
Incredibly.
Sad.
Fine. I lied.
It's not incredibly.
It's just. A full stop worth.


I don't know who can vouch for me. I don't I don't and I don't.

Blank blank blank.

Actually. I don't know why I am so afraid of betrayals.

I don't know why I can't stand letting people know everything.

Because I fear. ):

***

Fucked up men.
Male chauvinist.
Sucker.
I hate you.

***

Going to Desaru to see fireflies on May 30! :D I want to bring some back for Frog to see. (she wouldn't eat them up yeah?) Somehow, I hope I can show it to others too.

Mother say it will live. But I am not sure. ):
Maybe I shall do a research on it later.

Tmrw, I am going to have a "picnic" w/ Yueqi nuer. Haha, well. She's teaching me maths. o.o

Okay, My maths got improve. :D 66 to 73. Okay, nothing to be happy about. Gloaters. ._.

***

Why do I care so much.
It's much more than I am concerned with.
I don't want to care,
but why am I not stopping.
Zzz.
Irony.

-
Anyway, even w/ dino's DNA, is it even possible to bring them back to life?

Random post, with alot of hidden meanings.
Not words.
Meanings.
Use your contextual clues dumb!




Wednesday, May 20, 2009, 8:16 PM


zhixian is sad but she's not telling you why.
don't bother asking because she won't tell.
not you.
but she's definitely telling me.

-

Extinction.

Look. Dinosaurs extinct billions of years ago. However, their fossils remained and they strikes out a beautiful history.

Archaeologists find them, dig for them.
Scientists study them.
Humans pay to visit them.

What if. One day, they are brought back to life? Will they be the same tamed pile of bones everyone is so fascinated with?

Even with their DNAs, would it be possible?

Maybe extracting their bones from their graves are something, but bring them back is another.

There no point in this random... what you call this?

Nevermind. Nothing matters.

***

I questioned myself. Would it be possible to dig out the fossils I had left millions of years ago? Even so, can I bring the dinos back to life?
I probe.

***

Bitchy bitch bitched about how some other bitch are bitching but some bitch don't know they are a bitch themselves.

:D

***

Me like to talk in metaphors. (:

You still don't know why I'm sad?
You shall never find out.

***

I feel like. I just dropped to the pit of black hole and I can't get out and I don't even know if I am trying to even if I want to. Will everything be okay. Just okay enough to get on with life?

***

Wanna plaster some clay on your wounded pride? Lowdown. Sowing discord? Dream on, dumbass.

***

Don't shut in and shut up.

***

Stupid, you're so idiotic that I don't even wanna talk to you! Moron. Get it? Now get out!

***

I am an a afionado




Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 1:31 PM

Grow up alrdy.

Sorry Julia, I forgot to MSN you ytd. ):




Saturday, May 9, 2009, 6:22 PM


Just when you think I could do everything you want me to, please don't forget I am not God. Forgive me for being a mortal, if that pleases you.

Just when everything was great, you had to come along. And ruin things.

Just when I thought nothing was ever going to stand in my way, a thousand obstacles appeared before me.

Just when I start to think if I deserved all this, I guess I did.

Thanks hell loads.
-

Look at the brighter side (which don't exist for me temporarily.), I am much sure of my maths. Finally I don't worry about, shit, how do I do this!

I guess revising do helps a little.

I am not saying I would ace maths.

I know I had lost 9 marks alrdy.

Whatever. Beats not knowing.

***

My mood is not pretty if it had a face.

I had dreams which sometimes make me sad but satisfied in any sense.

Oh yes, my parents caught the quarrelling bug again. (with H1N1 rife, irony?)

Probably due to father menopause (self-madeup, not true).

Zzz. Irritated by him.

Men are all petty.

***

It's okay for me to be alone because, for one. I don't need to have friends if they are not good ones.

For two. I know what I am. I don't need reassurance. I don't need people to feed into my ego to make it big. I know need people to tell me what I am.

***

When darkness engulfed you and fear blinds you.

When light appears and bestowed you the escape from the suffocating dark.

When you didn't know what the light holds for you in future.

When the light starts to fade. Dimming, growing faint.

When you start to sink back into the dark gradually.

And the ghost of the dying past relish you.

When the whole cycle repeats.

Why am I still stuck with her, knowing a brighter, happier world awaits me in the light.

I am sick of it.

Break the hold please.

-

You can't please the best of both world, you simply can't, or you can't get anything done.

You can't be nice to everybody in the world.

You can't simply shrug all those tiny bit of evidences that she isn't worth that all off.

You can't let it be and live with it.

I can't because I don't want to.

And I can't allow her to mould someone else into her.

But how.

Let her rot and let her die?

Heaven forbids.


I can't stop another impending tragedy.




Sunday, May 3, 2009, 8:10 PM

Sigh.




7:24 PM


Know what?! I only revised Chapter 7 and 8. I am gonna flunk Hist. Zzz.
1504. The last for now.



Went to farmart on Friday. Stinky place to be. Nothing one. Not even a farm, gosh.

Anyw, father just ass-ed me, balming me for a stupid laggy comp.

Is it my FAULT?

It's the stupid connection, not me. And not because I used, means it would LAG right!

Zzz. Needa pass Sanrah things. ZZZ.

I'll be back.




Thursday, April 30, 2009, 6:55 PM


Is it really okay to go on like this?

Even upon reaching a decision, which is going to be soon finalized, I realised I was still searching for it. The umpteenth time.


zhixian had been a naughty girl and she knew it, so she's trying to change. thankyou.

True friends, don't judge. If you judge your friends, then you won't have enough time to love them. I'm sorry because I can't help judging you. Maybe because your not my true friend. Really. "Sorry Ms Wong. You were right, exams are coming. I shouldn't be doing what I was. Sorry."

Havent blog in ages. Nothing to do. Abstaining from comp until JULIA hooked me onto fb games. Uh.

I want to run my rounds. I want to run my rounds. But Heaven forbids.

The first attempt. It rained.
The second attempt. I had stomach cramps.
The third attempt. I HAVE IP TILL 5+++!

Okay, I'm running on Monday, after maths Ip. :D

Gee, I wna clear my hmwk for Chi soon.

Sigh, I don't really like staying back now.




Monday, April 20, 2009, 8:41 PM
And you can't believe how it hurts like crazy. Used to.


It's your own heart you can't trust.


Not exactly a great day today. Zzz.

Collected spects today. Seemed like I've chose a wrong one, not the one I'd intended to choose. Shit, they looked too similar! But if it's so similar, I guess it makes no difference.

OH MY GOD. MY PRESENTATION BOARD.

I hate school.

OH MY GOD. I FORGET TO TAKE MY MEDICINE WHICH I SHOULD HAVE @ 8PM. DAMNIT.

Now I have to eat sth to take my medicine. Fook you!

Then it will clash w/ my... western medicine. Shit.

Shucks. Hmwk. Zzz.

Everything by Wed.

IP on fri. Life's kiler.

***

Thanks coach for offering us donuts. :D LOL. But not she buy one? LOL. Okay anyw. =/

Bad mood recently. Very. Uh. Vexed. Not those wiry vex but those that clouds your mind and you dk what to think kind.

Satisfying though.

Never imagine it to be so easy. I'd thought it would have been much more difficult. Ohwell.

And you start flipping cartwheels. In my heart, my stomach, my head. Thanks.




Sunday, April 19, 2009, 6:55 PM


Oh wow. I can't believe what I've saw and what I am trying to interpret now.

Oh well. Who cares. It's yours, not mine. I can't stop you anyway. I don't even care. 'Cause all I did was stare.

BTW. I AM LAUGHING AT THE ABOVE PICTURE. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.

LOL @ ZHENYU CHAISIM JIAHUI CALVIN IRFAN(maybe?) HUBBY. THEY LOOK. Different. Zilin(g), samesame. o.o
Okay, shan't elaborate what I've saw @ Lot1 today. Sucks. Ruined my mood. Zzzzzzzzzzz! I'm not 100% sure but. None of my business. LOL. Off to hmwks. :D Halfway through my chi compo. Love me people. Bye!




Saturday, April 18, 2009, 10:38 PM
Clenched fists, small hearts.

Hi.

Back from batok.

Did my spects. $80. -_- Cheap. (Was $49 w/o multi coat. Frame was only $34!)

Bought my slippers. Bought my school shoes.

Realised the only thing I always go there is to spend money like water. $_$

Saw a doc. Seeing another on Wed. Sigh, my hmwk plans. ):

Doc said.

Okay. He just laughed alot saying nevermind nevermind, just rest and blahblah. Zzz, why would I see him if all I need is a rest.

But he's good. He saved my life. Almost. When I got hit by that stupid 5kg medicine ball. And he took my blood pressure and it was a freaking 106/55! Freaking low?

Heart rate: 65/min.

Omg, very slow. Zzz Average is 70-85.

Anyw, he gave me alot of medicine. Zzz, but HE DID NOT CURE MY SPRAIN/ANKLE/KNEES. ALL HE GAVE WAS MEDICINE. Wtf was that $46 for. 2 weeks worth of medicine. Fine.

I told him like 5 times about my joints condition and he just. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Take a rest!"

ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Okay, but he did set my thigh bone right.
Rmb the long-short legs? Yeah, he did it right for me. VERY PAIN. The bone was out of place. The process hurt like MAD. Zzz. But I think its long-short again. Cause I 'qiao jiao'. Lol.

Nvm, the wednesday doc would fix it for me. I want to play on Mon. (: The ankle. He just entertain me and tried to help. But its much better now. -_- I can walk w/o limping so much. :D

Okay. Basically. I want my spects before Tue or else I can read for Hist. ): And the overdued hmwks are chasing me like racing cars now. Weird analogy. :D

***

Cheryl Aunt was very random.

"You friends alot ogt r/s alrdy?"
"Yah."
"Sec 1 begin?"
"Nope, mostly sec 2."
"Oh, then you got anot?"
"No. LOL." *laugh denially. Idk why I could feel myself blushing, IDK WHY I SWEAR.
"Huh, I don't believe! You so. _______ (imagine.), dun lie. Sure have one." *shocked.
"No?!?!!?!?! Really!"
"Then got ppl like you?"
"No?!"
"Got before?"
"No?!"
"Got like people?"
"No? Hmm...!" *getting tired of denying.
"Got lesbians?" (What? Not again, do I look so butch?)
"NOOOOO SIAO!!!!" *O.O! Agitated alrdy.

And Mummy saved me by asking me to do my spects! :D

RANDOM: OH FREAK. A COCKROACH LIKE INSECT JUST LANDED ON MY HAIR I FELT IT AND IT DROPPED TO MY HAND AND I FLICKED IT AWAY OMG SO GROSS.

Overall, happy day.




1:41 PM
Oh no.


Oh right.
Mum don't know which doc to bring me to. Chinese physicians. Idk, I want to see one that treats MY leg. FYI, I have this unknown gland swelling also. ZZZ, need medicine to (de-swell). (idk what word to use.)
Crazy, idc.
She is bringing me to TWO doc. -_-
***
Srsly, nowadays my mood is like. Blank. Not sad nor happy. Not really troubled or what. Generally peaceful. (50% Stress free also!) But... Calm before storm. Got this premonition something big's going to happen soon.
Ohkay, I know what's that BIG thing.
My PPR grade will suck. Must be. Next week, gonna stay back in school to REALLY CHIONG finish my... overdues. -_-
I'm not worried about midyear. More worried about how I would spend my holidays and how long it is! Siao. I hate long holidays. Because, I HATE THE HMWKS. ZZZZZ.
Tripie sci.):
***
Sigh. Thank god.
COACH, Cheerup! :D :D :D





Friday, April 17, 2009, 9:30 PM
You make me cry, make me smile, make me feel the joy of world.


Oh. I don't get it. But still. Was that needed?

Sorry Ms Chang, I didn't listen to your lesson. ):

Was crapping with Zhenyu, Calvin, Bryan and Hubby. Lol lol lol. Think Calvin got offended by the father-son bath joke, lol. Sorry? o_o Totally sian diao.

Physics was presentation the whole way. English was good. Except the me-fall-asleep part. (And the daydreaming part, thinking about things.)

Maths, not bad. I listened. Half half.

Some shit code of conduct talk. Escaped grooming check w/ valid reason. For once, I love the calligraphy drawing. Whoosh. :D Draw chrysanthemum. Like shit, ugly.

But wahlao, why my cherries got B siol. Hubby one A. Pajiao ah cher! ;x

Omg. I am blogging in Singlish.

Okay let's fine tune back to my ang-moh mode.

Well, the rest off the days continued. Oh yeah, (btw Julia, sorry for flaring up at you during recess!) then went to canteen to have lunch. Wan and Nabilah frog wasn't feeling well. Wan's hot. Feverish. Sigh, take care!

Coach had this long talk. Sigh, cheerios!

Friendly w/ Innova JC. Forgot score. ;/



Off to the docs. My knees hurt and so do the ankle. Zzz. Long short legs again.




Thursday, April 16, 2009, 10:33 PM
Crush - David Archuleta LYRICS and MUSIC




10:04 PM
Is being our best not enough?


I can't tell how things are now. What were you thinking. What am I thinking. What was I thinking! Sigh. Stop complicating things.

Habit.







A little love.

greatness as you
smallest as me
you show me what is deep as sea

a little love,little kiss
a litlle hug,little gift
all of little something.these are our memories

you make me cry
make me smile
make me feel that love is true
you always stand by my side
i don't want to say goodbye

#you make me cry
make me smile
A Little Love lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/English/47383-A-Little-Love~Fiona-Fung.html
make me feel the joy of love
oh kissing you
thank you for all the love you always give to me
oh i love you

repeat#

yes I do ,I always do

make me cry
make me smile
make me feel that love is true
you always stand by my side
I don't want to say goodbye

repeat#

to be with you, oh i love you




Sunday, April 12, 2009, 10:35 AM
If goodbye is what you want. So be it.


Ytd was great. We had ice-cream. (:
SZR super cute right! :D

Julia! I bought the Stitch. Whoo. LOL. Neh neh ni poo poo. Uncle wanted sell me the domo plush @ $14. Tempting. But didn't buy. 1st, don't like it so much cause of it's... mouth. 2nd, totally useless unless I bring to school for it to act like a pillow? 3rd, it has EYES. My grans were there and she don't allow it. My grans has this things with plush w/ eyes, she've got a superstition problem w/ it. Hmph. She will kill me if the next visit she sees domo on bed. ):

Alas, a deal went wrong. Didn't buy.

***

Srsly man, Grans talk alot. It's super annoying, I know I shouldn't be saying this cause I love her to the max! But srsly, she rattles on and on and when she shuts up, ah. My world's a peace. Sorry. ): But, you know. Elders. I have no clue.
Sigh, one of her random blabbering is starting on me alrdy. Now.

OMG. SHE TOLD ME A STORY WHEREBY A MAID WAS GOING TO BRAISE THE LADYBOSS'S CHILD. ZOMF. GROSSTACLE. Diao. -_-

She's super irritating. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I am super pissed. (11.02am.)

***

Agh! Tmrw is monday. I have monday blues. I fret the hmwks (need to be handed in). How how how.

Anyw, let's blog about ytd!

Basically I did nothing in the morning, (not hmwks or else I wldn't be fretting/freaking out here) then went out to get some medicated oil for the big bruise on my butt.

Crazy. All the ailments.

Been icing alot recently.

***

Yes hello. I do read FuckerBro's smses, #1)I was instigated to do so. Zzz. Parents want to find out if he really has a stead.
#2)Stupid, I don't even wanna read cause there are so boring.

But still, some interesting information. Like how I am calling Brother a fucker here and how he calls me and Sister fucking bitches and alot of others. (See! I named him 1 profanities and he named us TWO. Unfair.)

Even Jiayong say he very guailan can. Sian. He deserved that beating. But still, why was Marcus the one. Ew.

***

Dedicated to my dearest team :D

Teammies, although tmrw is agnst NYHS, we still should give our best okay! Let it be used as a chance to prepare ourselves agnst stronger teams in the future! We did it for JWSS's match, so can we again. We can make miracle happen, right? We still stand a chance! :D

Jiayou for WZ! I wanna win, we wanna win, we all wanna win! TOP4 Gogogogo! :D

PS: Jwss match I super ganchiong. Zzz, I keep mumbling I want to win until Joyce keep looking at me. Lol. Never had I have hoped so much before! We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah. (Dora show. Lol!)

***

Omfg. I've nothing more to say. Bye.

ISFJ Nurturer
Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Quiet, kind, and conscientious. Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs. Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other's feelings. Interested in serving others.

As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.

ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.

ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.

ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.

ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.

The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.

More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.

Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.

The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.

ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".

The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others.


SFJs place a great deal of importance on their personal relationships. They're generally very giving and loving people, who place the needs of others above their own. They sometimes have a problem with becoming overly emotionally needy, and with keeping their true feelings hidden from others. They take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships. ISFJs are extremely dependable, and put forth a lot of energy into keeping things running smoothly. They sometimes have difficulty saying "no" when asked to do something, and therefore may be taken for granted.

ISFJ Strengths

● Warm, friendly and affirming by nature

● Service-oriented, wanting to please others

● Good listeners

● Will put forth lots of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations

● Excellent organizational capabilities

● Good at taking care of practical matters and daily needs

● Usually good (albeit conservative) at handling money

● Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships

ISFJ Weaknesses

● Don't pay enough attention to their own needs

● May have difficulty branching out into new territory

● Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism

● Unlikely to express their needs, which may cause pent-up frustrations to build inside

● Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

● Have difficulty moving on after the end of a relationship


ISFJs as Lovers

ISFJs are committed to their relationships. They have very intense feelings, which is not immediately apparent to others because they tend to hold things inside themselves without expressing them, unless they have a strong reason to do so. Their intensity of feeling makes their intimate relationship their first priority in life, with the possible exception of God. They seek monogamous, lifelong commitments, and can be depended upon to be faithful and loyal to their mates once they have made a commitment.

ISFJs have a difficult time leaving a relationship which is bad, or accepting that a relationship is over. They tend to put all of the blame on their own shoulders, and wonder what they should have done to make things work out. If they have been loyal to their vows and have done their duties, they will be at a complete loss as to what went wrong, and will have great difficulty accepting the end. They are "true blue" lovers, and may even remain faithful to their deceased partners.

ISFJs tend to be very selfless, and to put the needs of others well before their own needs. This may backfire on them, if they get into a situation in which they are taken advantage of, and do not have a good outlet for their strong emotions. In this kind of situation, the ISFJ might bottle up their feelings inside them, and form strong resentments against others. The ISFJ should work on recognizing their own needs, and place some importance on meeting them, rather than always putting the needs of others first. After all, if you can't take care of yourself, how can take care of someone else?

Sexually, the ISFJ sees intimacy as a tangible way of strengthening their relationship bonds. They also see as something of a duty, and are likely to be more interested in serving their partner than in their own personal satisfaction. Although the ISFJ is not likely to be very wordy about expressing their love and affection, they're likely to do so through their deeds, and will deeply value their partner's responding affirmations.

The ISFJ is very warm and selfless. They'll put forth tremendous amounts of energy and time into doing what they feel is their duty. What makes them feel best about themselves is when others show them their appreciation of the ISFJ. Consequently, the best gift that the partner of an ISFJ can give them is the expression of their love and appreciation.

ISFJs have difficulty with conflict situations, and would much prefer to just sweep things under the rug. Sometimes facing a conflict situation helps to resolve it, and the ISFJ should realize that the world will not end if they face the conflict, and express how they feel about it. A conflict situation is not necessarily a "problem" which needs to be gotten rid of, and it is also not necessarily the ISFJ's fault. It's a common problem for ISFJ's to not express their feelings until pushed to some limit, after which they explode in anger and say things which they later feel they shouldn't have said. These kinds of outbursts can be reduced by expressing their feelings on a more regular basis, rather than keeping them pent up inside.

In general, the ISFJ is usually a traditional, family-minded individual who places the comfort of their mates and families as their first priority in life. They're great for providing for everyday basic needs, and have a depth of caring which is very unusual, and not found in most types. They highly invested in the health of their relationships, and will work very hard to make things run smoothly. They are dependable and affectionate lovers.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISFJ's natural partner is the ESTP, or the ESFP. ISFJ's dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Sensing.

ISFJs as Parents

Parenthood is seen as natural state and duty to the ISFJ. They are responsible about ensuring that their children have their practical needs met, and try to teach them the rules and observations of our society so that they grow into responsible and independent adults.

ISFJs may have difficulty administering punishment or discipline to their children, although most are able to overcome this discomfort because they feel it is their greater duty to instill their children with sound values. As individuals who value order and structure, they're likely to create well-defined boundaries and roles for their children to live within.

ISFJ parents have a very difficult time if their children grow into "problem" adults. They tend to believe that it is their responsibility, and that they didn't work hard enough to raise their children well. This may or may not be the case, but usually it isn't. ISFJs usually put forth a lot of energy and effort and don't give themselves credit for doing so.

In many ways, an ISFJ makes an ideal parent. Their children will not lack for structure, appropriate guidelines, or warmth and affection. Their children will remember and value the ISFJ parent for their warm natures and genuine efforts on their children's behalf.

ISFJs as Friends

Although the ISFJ is likely to place God and family above their friends in their priorities, they genuinely enjoy spending time with friends and colleagues. In fact, ISFJs usually feel a strong need to talk problems and issues over with people before making decisions on their actions. Some ISFJs like to discuss things over with their friends, rather than their families.

ISFJs enjoy spending time with most other types of people. The love to observe people's reactions and emotions in situations, and so enjoy being around diverse types of people. The ISFJ usually remains reserved around others, and does not open up very much. However, since they have a need to talk things over with others in order to make decisions, they do really need some close confidantes in their life. Their preference for these companions is other Sensing Feeling Judgers. They really enjoy and respect the company of Intuitive Feelers as well, but are not able to relate to them quite as well.

Friends of the ISFJ will value them for their warmth, dependability, depth of emotional awareness and understanding.




Saturday, April 11, 2009, 11:07 AM


Don't stand like a rubbish bin.

I saved/stole the picture anyway. Sigh. Not anything, just a major... thing.

-

I found myself in the classroom, sitting alone, with a half empty class. Then Jingyi Boyf passed me a note. It was written by C.
ZhiXian:(sidetrack abit, I can't rmb the content even though I clearly did in the morning! It means it is an unimpt if I forget it like that. Lol. -_-")Blahblahblahicantrmbthecontentsdidntijustsay! [and there was this shaded heart. like drawing slanted lines across]


I was super shocked in the dream! Okay, I am crazy, what a meaningless dream, they didn't give me any 4 numbers to buy 4D, zzz. Though I did dream of me having like 6 jerseys with weird numbers like '478' (yes, fourhundredandseventyeight!) on it. LOL. But my first thought was. Haha, I (think I) had this dream because someone bushuang C, so in order to spite the someone, I friend C loh. LOL. -_- Childish.

***

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. I completed Lit but when I went to school. It was locked. Zzz. Ah f. Gnna fail my Lit again. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Triple sci. D:

Btw, Grans is in town. Idk why. For a visit. Lol. Kinda settled w/ things over at M'sia so parents kinda don't quarrel so much anymore. But wahlao. Still hor. -.-
I am like staring @ the comp while Grans rattle on and on about Jinkonglao fashi. A monk. Very famous one. She brought me to his talk like last year and god damn, I slept through the 6 hours workshop. ZZZZZ. LOL. Sibei funny. Nobody listening, all sleeping. @ expo. Plus got food and drinks and toilets. LOL.

***

Iambored.IamstuckwithhellloadsofoverduedhmwksduedonTuesdayandIhaven'tstartedyet.
Fuggitman.Ihatechinese.
Evencalvinhasfinishedtheteenagersdigestwrkshtalrdy!Ahhhhhhhh!Notfair.notfair.notfair.notfair.
AndIserslyneedtobringHOMprjhometodocauseIhavematchonMonandTuewhichmeans,
Ican'tclearmyhmwkandallofthemincldingmaths,physics,eng,andallaredueonmon/tues!

DIE. So stressed up I typed an un-readable paragraph. Zzz. Who wanna share the workload. OH SHIT, why am I still sitting here! Gotta run. Bye.



PS: Not that deep yet. Cause over the holidays... it. kinda. went away. (you can't read the last two words cause you can't highlight it but there's a way.)




Thursday, April 9, 2009, 9:34 PM
Sigh.


Then you walk the line, to follow me.

Shall edit this tmrw. No school for Good Friday! Recharge! :D

But needa chiong super loads of overdued hmwk. Zzz. I hate Chinese.




Monday, April 6, 2009, 8:58 PM


You and you and you and you. What about me.

Thanks. (:

Looking forward to Wednesday for a special reason. The real reason though. No lessons, whee. But hell those hmwks. (Which meant no guitar. Zzz, I hate the new instructor. Eeek. Act pro only, Joshua come back, lol.)

Sports day, sports day, sports day. Nighthawk alba nighthawk alba. No tears, promised.

***

Sigh. Countless times today. How many times have I sighed! Crazy to count. Ask Hubby. Sometimes my sigh are so audible it disturbs her alot. Lol. SIGHHHHHHHHH. Sighing out of habit? No really, everytime I turn, I sigh. Dunno for what also! Sorry, got to go. Yes to you.

***

You and your accusing finger. Zzz.

They quarrelled like the 3rd in a week. Bro work sister.

First about what a fucker brother is.
Second about how much time Mum devotes to her work.
Third about how sister cares about brother too much that it gets on his nerves (brother's) and her problem w/ profanities.
Lets add fourth, about me not waking bro up early enough.

Like HELLO, is it MY JOB? Zzz. How old is he alrdy. What a fucker. Zzz!

If you wanna quarrel, I don't care, just don't ever barge into my room and accuse this and that ever again.

All those mean(caustic) remarks, keep them to yourselves. Thou I do pity you, cause we aren't close to you like we are to mum. Thank god. (?) Jealousy. Sucks.

***

Bad day, falling asleep during English. And maths, didn't pay alot of attention, mind was flitting away to somewhere else. Sorry Ms Wong. ):

Oh yeah, baby, I have good language :D Wrote out of point and still got 17, unsually it's a fail one loh. "A pity you did not engage to qns" Hoho. -_- Btw, Chinese sucks hard.

Ganbatteh.
WZ in 2 days.
Work hard!
Luvzxc.
The magic ratio.
1:1.618
Facts speak for themselves.




Saturday, April 4, 2009, 6:42 PM
Blown.


You sure sure sure?
How great. Sigh.

Woke @ 7 in the morning to get ready to go to school for IP. Didn't want to waste time to stay back on schooldays. Zzz, tuesday somemore. Rather waste a Sat then to waste a day in school w/ teachers arnd to help. (Lol @ "Platinium Study Room". -_-")

Turns out only 7 or 8 people went. Zzzzzz. I was so tired. Ended @ 11.15pm and went home, slept then till 4pm! Omg! I slept half a day off. Zzzz! The sky was darkening alrdy.

Btw, you do have a big mouth. ZZZZZZZZZZ.

***

It's stupid, all the overdued hmwks! Zzz. I'm gonna rush ALL of them out by Tuesday, end of Tuesday. 7pm. I must.

Chinese compo, 4 pages minimium.
Teenager's Digest wrksht.
Jianbao! Zzz.
193 idioms wrksht.
Formal letter!
Maths Exercise 3.4!
History wrksht. (Can you believe I am sigh-ing as I type all of my overdued work out?!)
Reflection for Life Zen.
MATHS SET 3 (HOLY GOD I FORGET TO HAND IN! WTFFFFFFFF! *widen eyes in horror)
Literature Assignment
Literature Grp Assignment
Literature Prj. (Glad that Physic Prj is over! :D)
HOM BOARD GAME
HOM BOOKLET.
LOVE FOR LEARNING PRJ

(I BEGUN TO PANIC WHEN I RMB THE LAST THREE. IS THIS POSSIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH IN 3 DAYS? OR ELSE I MUST BRING MY WORK TO SPORTS DAY, FORGET ABOUT CHEERING, NONSENSICAL SPORTS DAY! I AM SORRY, I CAPS WHEN I AM OVERWHELMED.)

I'm so gnna die. The workload is SO horrible.

15 OVERDUED work. ALL graded. I'm lucky I finished E-learning. Good luck, no more extensions.

Oh shit, how bad can (school)life get. ):

Me want Triple science one. Eeeeeek!

I'm lucky I finished Casco, (thanks to Calvin, or rather not. He should thank me, or I doubt he wld have touched Casco.) Whoo. :D

Oh yeah, callipgraphy drawing sucks BIG time. Zzz. Can pon anot! No. Curriculum time. Lol. Waste time.

***

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, shitass, the workload! I have more things to worry about now, other then you. Thank goodness. Distract me for a while okay. LOL.




6:34 PM
Change is inevitable. Oh, is it?


Proud of You, Fiona Fung

Love in your eyes...
Sitting silence by my side
Going on Holding hand
Walking through the nights

Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind

[CHORUS]
I can fly
I'm proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I'm proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Stars in the sky
Wishing once upon a time
Give me love Make me smile
Till the end of life

Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind

[Chorus]
I can fly
I'm proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I'm proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Can't you believe that you light up my way
No matter how that ease my path
I'll never lose my faith

See me fly
I'm proud to fly up high
Show you the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I'm singing in the sky
Show you the best of mine
The heaven in the sky
Nothing can stop me
Spread my wings so wide...




Thursday, April 2, 2009, 9:15 PM


Sigh. Sigh, sigh.
Good and bad day. ):

Sigh sigh sigh.

Tired, ;o.

Damn, off to bed. ): Overdue work! Bleh.

Adhere? Accede? Zzz.

Sorry.

Btw.
What do you want! ZZZZZZZZZZ. Cold and hot and cold and hot.

You know, people don't live again, so please don't make me live with regrets in years to come.

When one door closes, another one opens, if you choose not to enter, thats your business. However, not all closed doors are locked. If the door to darkness is closed, comeon, lock it alrdy.




Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 8:11 PM


Ahhhhhhhhhhh, people. ANYONE WHO HAVEN'T COMPLETE THEIR E-LEARNING ASSIGNMENT, GO DO IT NOW. Hah, because I'd asked for an extension (indirectly) and it's successful. *beams. And I'd scored 80% for it. Dorts. I could have done better because I have all the answers, done them in compeition in the online lessons! Grrrr. 16/20. ):


Okay. Lol.

Good day, I s'ppose? Done w/ Casco. LOOOOOL, been good @ Maths hmwk okay! Finish maths hmwk fast, not sure about accuracy though, lol.

---

Stayed in classroom for board game touchup. (Major process)

Crap ALOT and laughed alot. Inclding w/ HeeRuey. Then Calvin wallet got misplaced and blah blah goes the story and somehow heeRuey found it then...

Lazy to type. ZZZ.

Lunched w/ HeeRuey Calvin and co. @ mac then we mixed alot of things into my coke. Zzzz. Calvin held on to it even after we want to leave mac.
LOL.

Studied at Mac w/ Calvin and Heeruey after Stanley and Jiahui left. Actually, only me and heeruey going one. Zzz. But ahem, Calvin claims he wanted to "protect" his laoda Heeruey. Okay. Lol, also because Heeruey found his $72 inside-wallet. Lol.

Then he teach me maths loh. And his maths isn't that fantastic also. Lol.

Then talk w/ heeruey. Haha, "I want fish!"

LOL.

***

Sleepy during Maths, sorry Ms Wong. ):

Okay, shh, confession, I slept during Maths, when I fnished my sums lah, but always in time to wake up before Ms Wong starts to explain. Zzzz. God knows why I was dog-tired. Lol.

Ah, owe Chinese hmwk! Every thing! Ugh, haven't do formal letter. Zzz. Dued today but Ms Yap didnt come! :D (Should this be a sad face?) (?)


So.. yeah. Never hand in. Ugh. Okay, wanna complete it by today. I hate Thursday. Cause of Lit! ): And no, class. It's not an open book test and this is not an April Fool's joke. Zzzzzz! Chapter 1-4. Goodluck.




Tuesday, March 31, 2009, 8:28 PM




Click to enlarge. Random.
Facebook wished me Happy Birthday!
Duh, it's auto. Zzz.
-

This year birthday is ruined, by fuckface's msg, ZZZZZZZZZ. I deleted it immediately. Ah, hate is an understatement for what I am feeling. Zzzzz.

***


Hoho, loves.
Coach taught me a new idiom.(?)

Qi an tou ming.
Okay, bascially, it means you leave the darkness and accept light. Crap. I understand what it means in a greater depth.

No more bad guys. NO. Shoo far far far! Go to North pole, get away from me. Go.

At first, I heard it as, dunno dunno dunno what tou pi. Like scalp or sth. Lol. Ask around and nobody knows what it means, cause I say...

"What is qi an tou pi?"

LOL ZZZZZ.

***

Compromise.
Okay, compromising is impt. Glad that I focused for Maths today. Clueless about what what what though. Lol. What is what. Idk also.

Tmrw, heats. Not attending, didn't even participate in run. LOL. Staying back in school to do hmwk. Hmph, not decided on whether to drop by to give moral support. Ofc, w/ hopes? Wanna clear my overdued hmwk first. Zzzz. Set 3! ): Qns 19!

***

Also, a huge thanks to those who gave me presents and wished me happy birthday be it through sms, email, facebook, face-to-face, birthday songs, handshakes and angpao.

Thanks Mr Low for his very generous $2 angpao. Though the amt is measely, it shows alot of sincerity. (Which teachers give their students angpao one ah! Not CNY but birthday leh! Coolio. He, loves Mr Low. Ah sh*t, kena bribed by 1 angpao. LOL. He won over me.)

Thanks Mdm Lin for her handshake although I expressed utmost uncomfortability.
Thanks to, Shermaine Hubby, Hon Eng, Khaixin, TingJie(?), HuiLing, Hee Ruey, Shulian, Jerica, Pamela, HuiEn and etc, can't really rmb.

Thanks to 2B for the birthday songs in English and Chinese.

Big big big big thanks to Bestie and Frog for their presents.

A giant lollipop and a i-dunno-what disc. Hehe, thanks many many! :D

Okay srsly, I don't expect alot for my birthday. This is ALOT to me. Thanks guys!

And yes, thanks to Bestie and Frog for surprising me when I came to school. You guys literally jumped onto me! I walked into school forgetting it's my birthday. Lol! Hehe :D

***

Yanni, what present did you buy for me! Lol......... -_-

Yawns. Boring, gonna bath. Oh, Julia, don't be upset alright! :D {3

KFC is open! :D

Lol.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ps: Sigh sigh sigh. Rich in pocket but poor in thinking.




Sunday, March 29, 2009, 9:16 PM
What? You are waiting for the train to arrive so you can board? Hello, missy. Wake up.


Hi, hi, hi.

Simmer down alrdy, I had enough of tiffs. Damn.

***

Had a bad haircut. Okay, at least that person is gentle. Desmond, some guy my mum knows. Okay, he keeps chatting w/ me, cause this stylist phone got a little problem and SHE ASK ME TO SOLVE IT FOR HER. Like I know her, but okay, I tried, and all the while Desmond cut my hair, I was fixing her phone! Then while he cut, he ask why the phone w/ me, all those. Lol. And he wax my hair. Zzzzzzz. I go back to Mum's shop and wash it off. No, it stayed on. Double Zzzz.

***

I am lagging behind Chinese Holiday hmwks. Oops, overdued for week alrdy! Okay, anyway, I am gonna buck up in maths, I want to take A-maths okay! Sister wants me in Triple Sci. ): Double is fine for me. Eeeek.

***

Been @ the shop for half the day, ate dinner and home alrdy, I don't go out often. Don't like to too. Very 'zhai' lol. I can't even recall my last outing w/ friends. Okay, I actually do, watched Pink Panther w/ Liting. That's like so long ago! I rmb saying I wanna catch twilight but I didn't. Ages ago.

***

Bath and off to bed. (No intention of handing in Chi holiday work. Sigh, but I must.) (Shit, maths! I owe 1 set. Completed, but forgot hand in that time!)

The bad guys all along. Stupid of me.




Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 7:28 PM
Hi, Joan! Lol. You made me discover this. Title thing. Lol.

I still care, yeah. A little. I just don't care as much, you dumbass. Annoying. I wished I had a lion heart, big enough to keep everything inside.

Ofc will feel sad laaaaaaaah. But not so sad anymore. Haha, I don't even care what you do, (not really, like I say, I care lesser only)asssssssss. Maybe because of what alot of people commented on you, well, it takes time to understand someone. *winks. :D

***

School. Boring. Lecture by Ms Wong cause, ahem, Hubby keeps trying to talk to me. I suck @ maths. Lol. OHHHHHHHHHH. I finished Maths homework. Yay. Lol.

I kind of like today. Yet not really. Cause of someone. Somebody. Idiot. Some idiot.

Wtf. Saw undesirable things. Like, ugh.

Talked w/ Pamela today, she's kinda sad. Yeah. Lol. Sad for both of them, at why are they like this. LOL. No offence. Zzz.

Okay, crapped w/ bro when I saw him @ store 1 and Yi En (wtv sp) was there and one of the "retain" girl.

Some comment Yi En made shocked me. Lol. Okay. Fineee. Not the girlf part though.

***

Did maths, and finished. Yay. Shuttling between canteen, and classroom block. Nobody was there to accompany me and so weird sitting alone in a canteen filled w/ unknowns except Jiayong but he was with Pamela and I am not interested in spending time w/ him. Lol? He's a good liar. Convincing. Damn.

Kind of good day cause there's many laughter and events, not a good day cause I was lethargic during English and fucked up during HOM. And because of seeing some idiot after school in the canteen. Zzz.

***

I definitely don't want to care and I'm willing myself not to. Yay. Bravo.

Waited for Hubby to end CCA and walked to Limbang w/ Julia for her bbt. Saw Jack & Sylvestor. Lol. Okay, I kind of wished him a happy late birthday and all he did was to smile at me and walk away, no thanks? LOL. *Ahem. Hunny? :D

***

Oh yeah, and it started raining like birds and penguins, like hugee. O.O So fun, and cooling. Cold though. Lol.

Heeeeeheeeeeee. Chuan Guan was entertaining though. And Julia and I keep bumping into trival coincidence things like, me msging her the boys reach alrdy and she msging me at the same time have they reached. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! And we played "Love Story" at the same time without agreeing and the same secondddddddddd. Lol. Fine.

Rants.

Bye.

Still mulling over afternoon, but fulfilling day. :D Yay? Not, maybe.

Sweet.
"Once upon a time there was a girl I knew, who lived across the street. Brown hair, brown eyes. When she smiled, I smiled. When she cried, I cried. Every single thing that ever happened to me that mattered, in some way had to do with her. That day Winnie and I promised each other that no matter what, that we'd always be together. It was a promise full of passion and truth and wisdom. It was the kind of promise that can only come from the hearts of the very young."




Monday, March 23, 2009, 8:49 PM


I don't buy what you're feeling me in with.

Father and Mother quarrelling now. Life's just an empty void. Bad time. Now, everything is like crushing me into the verge of breaking point. I'm sorry if I break. But, I can't promise, I won't. I don't want to.

Studies. My maths sucks horribly, I failed Lit, Hist. and etc.

Basketball. I don't know, but it's my problem, not fighting not giving my best not doing the right things and all.

Family. Every thing's in chaos. Misunderstandings, finance, bond, everything.

Friends. Apparently, I don't feel anything anymore, I don't open up easily. And this girl say what and that girl say what and people hating each other and me bearing grudges. Uh.

***

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I'll be holding my breath.
PS: I know things, by feeling.
Jilted. You.

***

Who's gonna be by me. You? You? Or you?

Knack case.
Bad flu I've got.

***

Look while I drown?

I have mountain of homeworks. Overdued homeworks. Missing homeworks, fuck homeworks. I am not in a good mood, screw you.

Dog-o-matic.




Sunday, March 22, 2009, 4:37 PM

Best:
4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of any month.


My nose bled today. There was blood even after it stopped bled. (Weird sentence?) Sneeze and there, blood. Now I have blood instead of mucus. Zzzz.

And apparently, my legs hurts, cramps. Too cold at night.

Sigh sigh sigh, there's so much on my mind right now my brain's going to burst. Ugh.

Dejection.

***

On a happier note, I have almost completed my homework, except the bao zhang bao dao. Zzzz, sucks.

Comeon, push. How hard I can get push and yet, keep moving forward. I want to win. And winners never quit. I don't want to let myself down.

Yes, I am aware this isn't a lighter tone. Who cares, this is my blog. LOL




Saturday, March 21, 2009, 10:59 PM

I've come to understand.

#1) Even though this happened like ages ago, I'm still sorry. I wished I'd a chance to say that to you and beg for your forgiveness, but I know it's redundant, it's either I am alrdy forgiven, or I won't be, forever. Or maybe you don't care, whichever. I still hope for some light of understanding and forgiveness though. (That explains everything, eh? LOL.)

#2) I wished I don't care.

***

Sh*t, I haven't finish most of my compo/comphres, those written essays such as Hist. and etc. Ugh, Left Sunday to complete them. Fug.

***

It's not about how hard I get pushed, it's about how hard I CAN get pushed.


***

Oh yeah, I don't know how to feel, really. Tell me how? Fight my way out?

***

Slacked at YewTee w/ Julia today. Talked and hyper-ed alot. LOL at some disgusting mascot. Sh*tass, still staggered to our direction. Lolllllllllllllllll. And LOL @ the guy "pretending" to ask Julia for some kind thingy to cheat her hp no.! LOL.

And she sms people, (Julia-knows-who) wahlao, 1 sms 30 min to reply. Then she wait for his, also 30 min. Aiseh ah, Julia!

***

Eavesdropped alot these days, unintentionally. No pun intended. Off to read Breaking Dawn, skipped New moon and felt so sad about it.

Hubby went M'sia and promised to bring a gift back for me, told her no fruits. No durians! Hehe, Bye ppl.

It wasn't so strong anymore. I'm glad in a bad manner. & I don't feel like going for heats.
Zzzz.




Monday, March 16, 2009, 9:23 AM

Yay, I'm watching Twilight. Lol. -_-

Eward Cullen is so cool.

Me like. :D

Note: I don't mean Robert Pattison. Okay, but he's cool too.




Sunday, March 15, 2009, 10:04 PM

Oh, nobodies.
And do you have your back faced to me or what?

Kudos. You've succeeded. I am feeling sh*t right now. Thanks man. So much.

***

You know, sometimes, yeah, just for a moment, a teeny weeny second, a fraction of time, it's feels good to know that somebody out there loves you and you love somebody out there too. (Not necessary the same person,duh.)

Emo.

***

Oh yeah, I want hamsters real badly! But Mum is allergic to them. Ugh, fishes stink alot but they do play a part in de-stressing. Which is totally essential for my current mental state. I am going berserk!

So pleaseeeeeeeeeee, my birthday's near. What a great clue for you.

***

I won't go on my knees, but if not, a cactus do fine, I don't know why but cactus are so cool to me. So spiky. So protective. Nobody enters their barrier, nobody hurts them, but they hurt people. So cool.

I wished I had a heart of cactus.

***

Are intuitions accurate? To trust or to not?
1 week. I hope it pass quick. I hope hmwk gets done themselve. I need a magic pen, I need you Harry Potter! ): I look forward to school re-opening.

***

Is it really true that, the higher you are, the harder you fall? Even if someone catches you?

Wth.




4:08 PM

I FOUND A HUGE PICTURE OF _____________. ASK ME, HUBBY!




3:22 PM

I'm dead if father sees what I was searching for. The signs that ______ for Hubby. LOLLLLLLL. (Over voluntarisim)




12:20 PM

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your EQ is 113.

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.
Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.
You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

***

What's Your Friendship Style?

Your Friendship Style is Independent.

You love your friends, but you don't always need them as much as they need you.
You like to do your own thing. Sometimes this means taking a break from your friends and carving your own path.

As long as your friends give you the space you need, you are happy to be there for them whenever you can.
Your friends lean on you for advice and problem solving. You tend to be "the rock."

You and an Empathetic Friend: Go well together. Your Empathetic Friend understand and accepts you... but may be too needy sometimes.

You and a Gregarious Friend: Get along well, as long as your Gregarious Friend is happy to only see you occasionally.

You and another Independent Friend: Have a love / hate thing going on. When you agree, things are blissful. However, more often than not, you butt heads.

You and a Philosophical Friend: Are somewhat a matter of opposites attract. You're both thinkers, but you think very differently.

***

What Does Your Birthday Predict About You?

Your Birthday Predicts You're Logical.

Ever since you were born, you've been very practical.
You focus on how things are instead of how they should be. You cope well.

You love fact and figures. You crunch numbers like a pro, and you're naturally analytical.
You don't give into your emotions. You are ruled by your head - not by your heart.

***

What Kind of Happy Are You?

You Are Excited.

You are vibrant and lively. You bring passion to everything that you do.
You are very animated and energetic. People find you dazzling and charming.

Beyond being happy, you are optimistic and enthusiastic.
There's so much life to live, and you're eager to experience so much!

***

What Is Your Love Based On?

Your Love is Based on Friendship.

For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility.
Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships.
Whoever you love should be your best friend.
And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question.

Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you

Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you.

***

What's Your Love Type?

Your Love Type is INFP.

The Idealist

In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.
[Censored]

Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.
However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space.

Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ




11:47 AM

Damn, I'd realised that for recently, whoever who be it accidentally or intentionally bang into me (not jokingly/fooling around kind/with strangers) I tend to glare at them. Sh*t ass my attitude. I will change.




Saturday, March 14, 2009, 9:02 PM



The break of dawn.

Remorse.


Dear dairy,

I've regretted alot of what I've done/not been able to do during 2008. Like. Rejection. Like, studies, friendships, attitude. Like almost everything but what I regret most was you. Losing you.

It's over. But it could be a new start too. (:

Lalalalalalalala.

Not in a really happy mood cause I did badly for training. How weak. All the travelling. Seniors was pissed at me, I could see. I'm sorry everybody. I will work harder.


***

I did half of Maths alrdy! Not really as tough as I thought. :D
Chinese. Bleah, monday I guess. I am going to school on mon to hand in whatever shit things I need to. Like zuoye or missing files or omg. My zuowen. Sh*t.

Monday've got oral. I hope. Hm. Nevermind, I have a tendency to leave words hanging. Ho-ho.

I have like so much work.
For english,
for chinese,
for CE (wtf is the interview thing and in chinese?! No way man)
for physics mirage project who involves seeing a very(underrated) disgusting person,
for HOM which I've only contributed by scolding Stanley or diao-ing disgusting person or tiny work like cutting paper and stickers. Zzzz?

And lastly. During holidays, I have no breaks. Thanks so much man.

7 trainings till WZ.


***

This Thursday, I was reading twilight then ShaoJun went like, "ZhiXian, why are you frowning and staring at your book?"

I was like, Huh? Got meh?

Then he give me a puzzle look and walk away. Dorts manzxczxc.

Maybe I couldn't understand the plot. Or maybe I don't understand why Edward didnt turn Bella into a vampire so they could be tgt for eternity. I understood that Bella's mum and dad was in the picture. But it was what I hoped for too. Vamps and humans sure do see things differently.

But still, about the frowning part, idk. Really. Thanks for noticing though. (Not sarcasm! Lol.)


***

On a much more personal side, I feel vexed. VEXED! So far yet so close. Ofc nobody knows how much it meant okay. But I tend to ignore them/he/she (depends on plural or single)

I was appalled by failing to think of giving up. Since last year year, so, you were an option I ALWAYS considered but never chosen... till now? So all along it was meant to be the choice where I/you started? It just meant you were comparable. Didn't sink in deep, no worries, yeah. It's just an bonus, man.

Guys, if you have no idea, don't think too much. LOL. Not what you think! Alot of family/personal problems!


***

I was freaking upset I've missed 2 horror friday show! F\ck can! ): I went to sleep ytd @ 11.25, imagine how sad! I was like, tmrw got training! I should sleep. The other side says, no I want to see! ugh and the first show was 'cause Mum wasn't pro enough to wake up a talking sleeping log who agreed she don't want to watch anymore, so yeah? (I can't rmb that I actually did say that! God, I was possessed. Oops?)

Srsly, dreamt of ghost and all sorts of weird things before and I do see them too okay! But I am holy, in a buddhist way. Sight stopped since ages. Yay, I am talking/typing in a much refiner english now, no more singlish.


***

Did I mention ahem, someone, apparently my sunnu, stuck pins into the arldy punctured(wrong word but most suitable) picture of some guy called GuangHui in the SSC notice board.

It was hard to pull away from that pic and name.
Sh*t ass, gnd! Ughh, tormenting.


***

What a wordy post. I am busy during holidays! I am only free on Thursday. Or not. I may go to school for a homework-ing session! Or library.

Ohhhhhhhhhh. Yewtee has like SO many fast food restaurants! Burger King, Long John Silver, Macdonalds, Subway, Pizza Hut(at Community Center), and I think KFC is joining the big fast food family here soon!

(Unless I saw wrongly/the bus was too fast/some cheapskate fast food imitated the old man that's KFC logo 'cause it only had a logo w/o the KFC and had a coming soon.)

Ahhhhhh! There is a sushi restaurant also. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So food-y. So happ-y.


***

Can love even be that deep?! It's hard to imagine. Shoot.

Till then,
xxx.
Your best friend.

PS: I can't spell.
PPS: Sorry everyone.
PPPS: I won't give up!

Feel the infatuation. It's hard to keep up.




Thursday, March 5, 2009, 10:22 PM



Do I still feel it or it had'nt existed?

It's well over.
Reflecting time.
-

Some friendship don't even last, let alone love.
-

Gosh.
For real?
-

FUCKFACE NOT. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
-

I hate homeworks and I am trying to cut down on the f word. F\ck. Did I just said that?

Okay I am serious.
-

I am freaking sad.

God blessed.




Friday, February 27, 2009, 9:24 PM

Yay, julia hunny. :D

Mac-ed w/ her then bus-ed home w/ her. Making assumptions. Haha! Lazy to blog.




Sunday, February 22, 2009, 11:37 AM

Mum and Dad's off to muah, back t'night. Sigh, money.




11:23 AM


It's a self motivation lah.

Whoever '???' is, thanks for the reminder that we should work harder so we can have a chance beat to JWSS and AES.
Whoo!




Saturday, February 21, 2009, 11:01 AM


1: JURONG, UNITY, DUNEARN, and NEWTOWN
2: NYGHS, JWSS, AES, KRANJI.


Top4, we can do it! There's chance!

We'll beat AES.
We'll beat JWSS.
We'll can beat NYGHS. (We should!) Except NYGHS are reaaaaaaaaally fast runners! Lots of fast breaks.

WE WILL WIN. MAKE COACH PROUDDDDD!




10:12 AM


Hey people. I say yo-oh!

Back from camp!

DAY 1:
Report at school and surrender handphone. -_- Was smsing christopher the bugger. Craps and craps and craps. Then instructors arrived. LOL. Then went canteen and saw nab frog and keesiao a little. Was hyped yeah, and keep disturbing nab's friend nadia with spongebob and the jellyfish fishing thingy. LOL.

Trip to CCAC accompanied with bombing game. Btw, instructor was Rio and Khai(aka rain, aka acid rain). (:

First day was nonsense till kayaking! Bad luck and teamed with Stanley which totally made me head blow. He can't kayak and so sissy can. A little bit then say his hands aching. -_- Make me cry like so many times cause I was so frustrated and desperate. UGH. On the way back, he finally, really paddled. And I made him paddled more. Sh*t. I wrote that he ruin my kayaking expeidition on the booklet teachers are reading. Okay. Wtv~ (I did cancel it out but it's obvious! Teachers read. I don't give politcally correct answers.)

Then rinse. I am black now. Chaota!

Okay, I suddenly rmb during KFC with Hubby and Julia (refer to Day 3) that someone called me "Cheap!" during dinner and I can't rmb who or why! Dunno is Calvin or who but I think is calvin. Omfg. Who ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, I think is him. -_-

Then nonsense again, bonding game.

THEN I CAN'T RMB. Oh yeah, Ms tang misunderstood sth, I was going to sabo Hubby one and she heard me saying, "the instructor more shuai without lights" (Kind of sarcasm cause we can't literally see their face!) Then she heard the instructor more shuai and she looks at me. UGH.

Blind man trail. Khai ask us to wish upon the star. He said cannot say so I shall not. (he can wish for how many times ah! He does CCAC camp like twice a week... ) He wished and counted to ten and we all blow it towards the star. So touching right, like he shows his soft side cause he was saying alot about his Mummy and his sec school days.

Sleep.

-

DAY 2: High elements, didnt do. Sprained ankle, got it on Tuesday, thought it was nth and went for camp and it worsened. -_-" Very pain.

Did Flying Fox. I was like. No, I don't want to go down! No. LOL.

Then Rio so bad can. He was like, "I thought your ankle sprain still can run?" I screamed to him,"VERY PAIN LEH!" Which is like really very pain cause I even limp when walking. (For god's sake, it's my good ankle that got sprained! !#$%^Y#$)

Instructor Shannon was angry with us. Some selfish thing. As in I wld volunteer ofc, but initiative! You know.

He keeps singing Fall for you. -_- Everytime we ask "why".

The ladder bang into my back. He came up and said like.
Did it hit your back?
"Yes."
Wah, my leg very tired alrdy.
"Then quit loh."
Later no job.
"But they say low pay what?"
Who told you?
"Cannot say. Later he tio sacked."
Okay done. Sit down.

Then I climb down and went off. He was using his serious voice okay, not cheeky one when singing fall for you leh. LOL.

Dinner and nonsense. Oh, had teambuilding and general stns.
Khai keep bullying people! LOL. SO funny, seriously. And Rio let us on that he broke up with his gf 2 yrs ago cause her 1st love came back and ditched Rio and he went, "Wahlao!" and looked away. He's so sad. LOL. And he told us his father had 2 wife, and i know 1 of them is a Japanese thats why his so fair. (I was joking that his father had an affair omg. I was like, sorryyyyyyyyy!)

Campfire was great. Bimbo cheer!

Oh gosh, my nails.
I think I need a manicure
The sun, I swear
Is burning down my gorgeous hair.
Red yellow purple green
What's the colour of my team?
I dont know, I don't care.
All I know is do my hair.
Go! Go! Fight! Fight!
Gee, I hope I looked alright,
like go, like go, like go team go!

Origin: RIO.

Sleep!

DAY 3:
Area cleaning. WASH TOILETS. Wah Khai so slack one. Rio so kind, he help us clean leh, then is those type use hand go sweep sand one. So sweet right! Okay, damn disgusting at first but when the toilet's clean, it's okay lah. =/

Rio used his hands tothrow the menses pad. Ew.

Oh yeah, Got this lizard in my bag. I think is dorm one loh, cause I saw it crawling around my area. Ew. It was IN MY BAG ALIVE AND CRAWLING AROUND. I was wondering if it sh*tted in my bag! ):

Brave Damien caught it for me. Omg. Lol. Thanks many?

Grp pics!
CS volunteered to be taupoked, so weird.

The rest I shall not mention. Black face thruout.

(PS: Kind of miss the instructors now, manz.)

Back to school.
Rio bombed me.
Then reached. Get hp. Hang around. Know grpings. Hawhaw! (Next post)

Was missing '2' for whole camp. Sad.

And they officially now keehong over 'S' alrdy leh! Okay I zip now okay! (Been making Hubby angry for like so many times recently cause of her obsessions.)

KFC. They talk about __, like obviously. Went home.

Father assed me. Slept for many hours. Sister scold. Ugh.




Sunday, February 15, 2009, 11:29 AM


Who Knew-P!nk

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew
Who knew